When Reading Clicked; My Lightbulb Moment

My mother was an avid reader and an avid public library patron. When I was little we would go to our local public library, DeKalb County’s Avis G. Williams Branch. It was located right around the corner from our dentist, but that’s a whole other story. My mom would take me to the library every week. I guess she took my older brother, too, but then again, he could have been off playing in the creek or fishing in the pond behind our house. I can’t say that I actually remember him being there with us. Every week we would go and every week I would head to the same section of the library; the war section, which apparently is, 940. The book I remember checking out the most was set in the Pacific Island Theater of WWII. It was something about the Battle of Guadalcanal. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a history buff, far from it. The book that I’d often check out had the best war pictures, and I’d pour over them and then set my G.I. Joe action figures up in similar situations. 

I was not that big of a reader, though. Well, a reader of books, that is. I read comic books. I LOVED comic books and still do! I would love to have a conversation with my younger self and tell him that so many of the comics he’s reading now will be turned into HUGE movie productions. It would blow his mind! Anyway, my mom believed that reading comic books was better than not reading anything at all, so she would buy me comic books. Back then, comic books were sold at 7-11s or Magic Market in a tall, rotating, metal organizer. My main ones were Batman and Spider-Man. As a teacher, I tell students and parents about this and assure some of the parents that reading comics, graphic novels, etc. is definitely still reading.

As I got farther into school reading became required and from probably third grade through tenth grade it would go like this: A new book would be assigned. The directions were to read the book and either write a book report about it or take a test on it to prove we had read it. Book reports, I could do those without having really read the whole book. Tests, on the other hand, were much more difficult to pull off, and by and large, I did not pull good grades on those. I can say confidently that the only book I know 100% that I read completely in grades eight through ten was The Outsiders. It was one of my favorite books then, and I still love it to this day. I actually sought out S.E. Hinton’s other books after reading about Ponyboy, Johnny, Sodapop, and the other greasers. Other than that sole book, I either did not read them at all or would use Cliff’s Notes on the assigned books. Those are pre-Internet Sparknotes. They were sold in bookstores as small, yellow paperback study aids, but everyone knew it was just a lazy way of not reading an assigned book. If you were lucky, your older brother or sister already had a copy. Those worked fine until your teacher wrote you a note asking you to further explain some literary element you had picked up from Johnny Tremain, The Grapes of Wrath, or Animal Farm. 

All of that changed when I got to 11th grade though. In 11th grade, for whatever English class I had, the teacher, Mrs. Merkle, assigned us a book to read and then told the class that after we had read it, we were going to talk about it. I am sure I had a look of utter confusion on my face. 

‘Huh? Talk about it? What about the test or book report?’

I wish I could remember what book it was we were assigned. You’d think that it would be etched in my memory because when we talked about that book, the proverbial lightbulb clicked on above my head,

‘OH! So THIS is why you read!’

Never in all those previous years had any teacher taken the time to talk to us students about the story, the characters, and the problems that the characters were experiencing. Mrs. Merkle was able to help me see that these books were so much more than just words on a page to be regurgitated in a book report or chewed up and spat out as a multiple choice/short answer test. These were literal pathways to new places with people that were completely different from me but had experienced situations similar to mine. 

Suddenly, reading was fun! It’s cliche, but it opened a whole new world to me. I began to read for pleasure, seeking out new titles, trading and sharing books with friends. Going to the used bookstore to get new, used books. I would like to say that I went back and actually read the books that I skipped over in earlier grades but that’s not what happened. I did go back and read Animal Farm with a book club. Had my teacher offered that to me in eighth grade, I might have actually read it; although to be honest, I am pretty sure my eighth-grade self would not have been able to do a lot with Orwell’s allegory.

I never looked back once that lightbulb clicked on above my head. I still love reading. From time to time, when I get really busy with Life, I sometimes forget how much I love it. It’s just as exciting once I get back into it though. I also still love and read comic books often. The digitalization of them has opened an enormous world to me! I actually live closer to Avis G. Williams Library now than I did when I was growing up. I can easily walk there, and I probably should walk there to check out some books and graphic novels.

We Americans

I love The Avett Brothers. I don’t know when I heard them first, and I don’t know if the first time I heard them I recognized the deep chord in me that they strike, but that is precisely what happens when I listen to them; they strike a deep chord. It’s not in all of their songs, but it is in so many, and I’m surprised by how often it happens when I hear a song of theirs for the first time. It happened again this week.

A song of theirs came up on my Spotify shuffle, and I decided to go to the album it came from, I think it was, “Bang Bang.” Great song, but it’s not the one that struck me. The third song on the album is called, “We Americans” and it near perfectly encapsulates how I feel about our country and how I approach teaching history to my Fifth Graders.

Before I heard this song I had responded to a post on Twitter that told the story of a woman buying a vintage 48-star American flag. The flag wasn’t folded correctly and the woman’s daughter told this to the vendor and offered to show her how to do it. The vendor wasn’t interested in learning and turned away from them, but there was a teenager nearby who volunteered to help fold it. The two folded the flag, the woman purchased it, and now the flag is encased in a flag frame. I responded about how at the beginning of each year I teach my Fifth Graders about the symbolism of the flag,  respecting the flag, the correct way to fold the flag, and how to raise and lower it; full and half staff. The number of likes and retweets my response got surprised me. It’s gratifying when something I say on social media gets a lot of positive responses, and I was pleased. But then as I looked at some of the accounts of those who liked it I realized that there might be an assumption on their part that I am on the side that only teaches the incomparable glory story. That doesn’t sit well with me, and I thought about responding, but what would I say and what good would it do? An account I follow often posts the question, “Did you give your energy to a stranger today by arguing on social media?” It’s a good reminder. I don’t know those people, and they don’t know me. They have a snapshot of me in fewer than 280 characters. 

Five days later, I heard the song. It struck a chord, and that chord sparked this post.

I am deeply patriotic. I sincerely believe we live in the greatest country on the planet. It is FAR from perfect, I am well aware of that fact, but I think its positive traits outweigh the negative. I tell my students from the very first day of social studies that as we go through the timeline of America’s history, we are going to see the good and the bad. I tell them that there has been and continues to be enormous good. So much progress has been made in the betterment of not only the country but the world; great people, great inventions, great leaders, and more. I highlight the good, but I don’t gloss over the bad. I also tell them that there are a lot of ugly parts to the story of America and that we are going to touch on those because to not do that is a disservice to those who have sacrificed to make change; beaten, jailed, killed. 

I have heard and read much about how America’s history is either taught as an incomparable glory story or as a tale of oppression, hatred, and corruption. I tend to believe that it’s a mixture of both, and that’s how I like to approach teaching our history. I am sure that I am not alone in this view among teachers. I’ve read how these views are being shoved down the throats of students; whitewashing or indoctrination. While that might be true in some cases, I believe when it happens, it mostly comes from individual teachers with their own personal beliefs and/or agendas. When I was in school I didn’t hear about the Tulsa race massacre, Japanese internment camps, and other injustices that happened in our country. There is truth on both sides of the story though; it’s not just one way or the other. 

I am currently teaching the students about the Civil Rights Movement. I was on my way to school when I heard the song, driving up the winding road that leads to Trinity. I had to sit in my car and listen to the whole song. It addresses the good and the bad; “…learned love of country from my own family…The flag waves high and that’s how it should be. So many lives given and taken in the name of freedom, but the story’s complicated and hard to read. Pages of the book obscured or torn out completely.” 

I love when the words of a songwriter, author, or poet resonate so strongly within me. It doesn’t happen that often, but when it does, the words plant themselves in my soul and grow. They make me think and question, or they validate thoughts and feelings that I’ve had for a long time but couldn’t find the right words to express them. This song by The Avett Brothers has planted itself in my soul, and I am grateful because it does express so much of what I feel.

We Americans – Performed by The Avett Brothers. Written by Robert William Crawford Jr., Scott Yancey Avett, Timothy Seth Avett

I grew up with reverence for the red white and blue Spoke of God and liberty reciting the Pledge of Allegiance Learned love of country from my own family Some shivered and prayed approaching the beaches of Normandy The flag waves high and that’s how it should be So many lives given and taken in the name of freedom But the story’s complicated and hard to read Pages of the book obscured or torn out completely

I am a son of Uncle Sam

And I struggle to understand

The good and evil

But I’m doing the best I can

In a place built on stolen land

With stolen people

Blood in the soil with the cotton and tobacco

A misnamed people and a kidnapped race

Laws may change but we can’t erase the scars of a nation

Of children devalued and disavowed

Displaced by greed and the arrogance of manifest destiny

Short-sighted to say it was a long time ago

Not even two lifetimes have passed since the days of Lincoln

The sins of Andrew Jackson, the shame of Jim Crow

And time moves slow when the tragedies are beyond description

I am a son of Uncle Sam

And I struggle to understand

The good and evil

But I’m doing the best I can

In a place built on stolen land

With stolen people

We are more than the sum of our parts

All these broken homes and broken hearts

God, will you keep us wherever we go?

Will you forgive us for where we’ve been?

We Americans

Blood on the table with the coffee and the sugar

I’ve been to every state and seen shore to shore

The still open wounds of the Civil War

Watched blind hatred bounce back and forth

Seen vile prejudice both in the south and the north

And accountability is hard to impose

On ghosts of ancestors haunting the halls of our conscience

But the path of grace and good will is still here

For those of us who may be considered among the living

I am a son of God and man

And I may never understand

The good and evil

But I dearly love this land

Because of and in spite

Of we the people

We are more than the sum of our parts

All these broken bones and broken hearts

God, will you keep us wherever we go?

Can you forgive us for where we’ve been?

We Americans

Love in our hearts with the pain and the memory

Eight Days a Week: Sunday through Sunday in Songs, Part 2

Picking up where we left off yesterday…

Thursday

“I Lost Thursday” by They Might Be Giants. To be quite honest, there aren’t many great songs about Thursday. I do love TMBG though and turns out they have a fun song about Thursday, so I’m including it and considering it a win because it’s a new TMBG song, plus in their song, “Seven Days of the Week” TMBG declare, “on Thursday, it’s a holiday!” In terms of songs that mention Thursday that I do know (and like) I’m going with The Replacements, “I Will Dare” where Paul tells the girl younger & smarter than him to call him on Thursday if she will, but then changes his mind and asks her to call him on Wednesday, “better still.” The other song that mentions Thursday that I like a lot is the version of, “Police on My Back” by the Clash. It was originally done by The Equals, another British band, and written by Eddy Grant of “We’re gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.” Neat, huh? Neat! Anyway, the lyrics to Police on My Back have the singer listing all the days the police are, in fact, on his back and he’s: “running Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, THURSDAY, Friday, Saturday, Sunday” over and over, all the while asking, “What have I done? What have I done?” I think he could come up with something if he’d stop running for a minute and think about it.

Friday(Friday’s so fine it’s getting three songs.)

“Friday on My Mind” by The Easybeats This one is kind of similar to our Monday entry in that the song cycles through the week (like this post prompt). It’s about a poor working stiff trying to make it to the weekend, “Monday I’ve got Friday on my mind.” A well-known fact about this band is that the rhythm guitarist, George Young, is the older brother of Angus and Malcolm Young from AC/DC.

“Friday I’m in Love” by The Cure. People love to go on and on about how morose and depressing The Cure is, and rightly so. A lot of their music is dirge-like and the lyrics can be quite morose, but from the get-go, Robert Smith has always been about a good pop song. “Boys Don’t Cry” has a killer hook. “Friday I’m in Love” is yet another song where the singer tells what they do on other days waiting to get to Friday. I know it’s not the actual lyric, but I always like to imagine that on Tuesdays, instead of “watch the walls instead” Robert Smith is singing, “wash the dog instead.” Something about Robert Smith with his giant hair and smeared lipstick washing his dog makes me pretty happy.

“Black Friday” by Steely Dan. Not surprising for a Steely Dan song, but this isn’t about the great deals to be found in stores the day following Thanksgiving. Nor is it about the stock market crash of 1929. New info to me, it’s about some shady deals going on in the 1850s that caused a lot of people to lose a lot of money to some, well, some shady dudes. Unless we’re talking “Reelin’ in the Years,” I’m more into the sound and feel of Steely Dan’s songs, and “Black Friday” has always been a song that I love the feel of.  

Saturday

Well, there are A LOT of songs that could make this day, and as Friday, I think I’m going to have to give it its due. 

“Saturday in the Park” by Chicago. What a great song. I’d love to spend a Saturday in the park like is described in this song. Look at all the things people are doing:

• Laughing
• Talking
• Singing
• Really smiling
• Reaching
• Touching

Not to mention there’s a man selling ice cream while singing Italian songs and a man playing guitar for everyone there. What a great park! Did I mention that it’s the Fourth of July? Because it is, and the narrator seems to think every day’s the Fourth of July. Maybe there was something else going on in that park.

After spending the entire day in the park, the sun’s starting to go down and it’s time for S A TUR Saturday NIGHT S A TUR Saturday NIGHT. “Saturday Night” by The Bay City Rollers. Rocks greatest Scottish plaid-sporting, stacked heels-rocking, bubblegum pop band. I honestly don’t know if any of their other music was any good, and I honestly don’t care. This is definitely a One-Hit Wonder and the world is a better place because of it. Unfortunately, sometimes things get out of hand on Saturday night as Elton tells us about, and well, he’s planning on finding some trouble as early as 7 o’clock. He’s ready to get “a belly full of beer” and proclaim he’s “a juvenile product of the working class, whose best friend floats in the bottom of a glass.” I’m not sure what that last line means. Because we started so early, we have made our way back home by 

“10:15 Saturday Night” by The Cure. You’re sitting in the kitchen waiting on a phone call from a girl and that tap just dripsdripsdripsdrips. You’re crying for yesterday, and that tap just dripsdripsdripsdrips. It’s always the same. Maybe the people who talk about the dark and gloomy aspects of The Cure are onto something?

“Saturday Night, Sunday Morning” by Madness. Nighttime is rolling over into morning in this song. I always thought the line was, “It was Saturday night, Sunday morning.” As in, the narrator went out on the town Saturday night and is coming back home after midnight, hence, Sunday morning. Turns out the line is, “It’s not Saturday night, Sunday morning.” I don’t know how to interpret that, actually. I suppose it could be the same guy going out and thinking it’s earlier than it is. He’s at his favorite bar talking with his friends and says something about it being Saturday night, and some other patron tells him, “It’s not Saturday night, it’s Sunday morning.”

Sunday

“Sunday Morning Coming Down” Man, what a downer way to end this post, but sometimes you don’t get that happy ending you’re looking for, do you? “There ain’t nothin’ short of dyin’, half as lonesome as the sound on the sleepin’ city sidewalks, Sunday mornin’ comin’ down.” I suppose, if this is your life and you’re wandering around the city after a hard night of heavy stuff then rolling back into the Velvet Underground might be a good way to salvage this and make a good loop. “Sunday morning brings the dawning. It’s just a restless feeling by my side.”
Well, there you have it. We’ve cycled through the week in songs. I hope you enjoyed at least part of this, and as promised, here’s a Spotify Playlist: Eight Days a Week: Sunday through Sunday in Songs

Eight Days a Week – Sunday Through Sunday in Songs, Part 1

I don’t know what gave me the idea of creating this post for songs with days of the week in the title, but it’s been percolating around in my head for a while, and no better time than the present to get it done, so here we go! Most of the days will just get one song, but sometimes it’s a long day and you need more than one. In order to keep this from going on too long, I’m breaking it into two sections: Sunday – Wednesday and Thursday back to Sunday.

Sunday 

“Sunday Morning” by The Velvet Underground. I think this is the perfect song for a lazy Sunday morning. Whether you’re sleeping in for a late start or getting up at your usual weekday time to enjoy some peace and quiet while you drink your coffee and welcome the new day. The refrain, “Watch out, the world’s behind you. There’s always someone around you who will call. It’s nothing at all.” falls into a lazy-day kind of feel. 

Monday

“Monday Morning” by Fleetwood Mac. I do love me some Lindsey Buckingham songs! “Monday morning, you sure look fine, but Friday I’ve got travelin’ on my mind…” Lindsey’s got “nothing but love” for Stevie, we can only assume, and regardless of the fact that first, she loves him, but then she “gets on down the line.” That would drive most people crazy, but Lindsey Buckingham might already be crazy because he responds with, “I don’t mind.” He just wants to get some peace in his mind.

Tuesday

“Groovy Tuesday” by The Smithereens. “Woke up on a groovy Tuesday…” It’s not Monday anymore, you’re not stuck right at the very beginning of the week, right? You’re one day closer to the weekend, but then the closing line hits, “Now I know that nothing lasts, nothing lasts, nothing lasts…”

“Tuesday’s Gone” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. I’m not sure that there’s a scene in a movie that I love more right now than the one in Richard Linklater’s Dazed and Confused. The epic party is winding down, the keg’s run dry, Wooderson’s talking up the smart red-haired girl (judges love naturally curly hair), Floyd and his crew take Slater’s suggestion to go smoke up on the 50-yard line of the football field. Unrelated, but the fact that Lynyrd Skynyrd has this and “Freebird” on their debut album speaks volumes to me about the gravity of that band.

Wednesday

 “Wednesday Morning, 3 AM” by Simon and Garfunkel. You know how sometimes you find yourself in the middle of the week and you’re just feeling that malaise? Well, apparently, sometimes you just rob a liquor store, “a hard liquor store” for 25 bucks and a piece of silver. What’s up with the silver? Was it in the register for a reason? I don’t know and neither does our narrator, who certainly cannot be that sweet, little Paul Simon. Maybe Artie’s the criminal? Anyway, it’s the middle of the night and you know you’re probably going to jail later that day, so why not just enjoy the peace and quiet of watching the girl you love sleep soundly?

That does it for the first half of this little exercise. Tomorrow will be part two where we’ll circle our way back to Sunday. I’ll include a Spotify playlist in the second installment that will have no musical coherence or continuity, just the days bleeding together.

Christmas Acrostic (Each Letter of Your Name is a Christmas Song)

{Disclaimer – I do not own the rights to any of the songs mentioned in this piece, and it’s very likely the videos that accompany the titles may be taken down.}

I love doing acrostics. For those of you who don’t teach elementary school, you’ll know the thing but maybe not the name. You take the letters of your name and come up with a word or phrase to go along with each one. I had a student this year make one for me on his Christmas card with my first AND last name! This one is a little different because I’ll be using Christmas/Holiday songs instead of words/phrases. I got the idea from a Medium music magazine I follow called Plethora of Pop. It sprang from a challenge to come up with regular song titles that match up to the letters of your last name, but then someone took it a little further, and well, here we are. As is common, I did not read the directions fully and have done my first name and not my last name.

I’ll start off with XTC/The Three Wiseguys, “Thanks for Christmas”. It kind of makes me giggle that one of my favorite Christmas songs is written and sung by one of music’s most known agnostics, Andy Partridge. I’m pretty sure this is a song that I heard in high school on Ga State’s Album 88. This was pre-internet and I had no way of getting it other than hoping the station would play it while I was home, had a blank tape ready to record, and was near my boombox to push “Record”. I am pretty sure that never happened for the entire song. Now, in the digital age, it’s easy to find. I’ve lamented on the ease “kids” have these days finding music they like, but it’s not time for lamentations, it’s time for celebrations! On with the list!

Next up is the ever-classic, ever-loved, Ella Fitzgerald from her Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”. I have also written before about my preference of the line, “Until then we’ll just have to muddle through somehow…” and Ella does it great justice in this song. Depending on who sings this standard, it can be joyous or a little melancholy. Even with the muddling through, I get joy from Ella’s version.

Weezer put out some Christmas singles back in early 2000 that are fun and in the vein of other rock bands doing original Christmas singles. The line, “That man is so obese he can’t fit through the door” is funny, and the other single, a Weezer emo classic, “The Christmas Song” (not to be confused with “chestnuts roasting on an open fire…” I used the music and melody from this song to fo an April Fool’s prank on my students back in 2019 in the middle of the Pandemic Shutdown. For my acrostic pick though, I’m choosing Weezer’s version of,  “O, Holy Night”. This is one of my alltime favorite Christmas hymns. After the two original singles Weezer put out, they put out an EP, Christmas With Weezer in 2008. It contained the band doing straightforward covers of several traditional hymns and Christmas songs. I’m not fully convinced it wasn’t just Rivers by himself, and it could be easily solved with a few clicks and taps of the keyboard but more music awaits!

The Beach Boys Christmas album is a classic for good reasons. A mix of original and traditional songs done in that classic Beach Boys way – harmonies strong enough to carry a red-suited obese man around the world in 24 hours. From the humor of “Santa’s Beard” to Dennis’ talk-over message in “Auld Lang Syne”, the Boys gave their fans something special for Christmas that year that continues to give now. My selection is,  “Merry Christmas, Baby”. With its lyrics of heartache, breakups, and being alone, this could just as easily be a Weezer classic. Of course, as with a few other Beach Boys’ classics, there’s some infidelity that caused this break up, but again, we’re not here to focus on the negative!

As you’ve guessed, or already know, I love Christmas music; traditional, new, sacred, irreverent, pretty much any. I have my strongly disliked songs, “Christmas Shoes” comes to mind, but the list of loved songs is much, much longer. Reliant K is an alternative Christian rock band, or an alternative rock band whose members are Christians, or some variation of that. Regardless, they have a Christmas album that I’ll play straight-through every year, Let it Snow, Baby…Let it Reindeer. Lots of great music on this album, including a rousing fast-paced version of, “Angels We Have Heard on High”

I wrap up this exercise in vanity & nostalgia with Sir Elton John and his campy, fun 70’s offering,  “Step Into Christmas”. This is prime 70’s Elton; stacked heels, crazy glasses. The promotional video has him and his touring band having a grand time together rocking through “this Christmas card” thanking fans for a great year. 

Thanks for taking the time to read. I hope you’ve enjoyed it; maybe it’s introduced you to some new songs. Maybe it will get you thinking of doing one for yourself, with Christmas/Holiday music or regular songs for the rest of the year. Since I did it wrong, I’ll probably spend some time today coming up with my last name list. I’ll let Elton lead us out…“So Merry Christmas one and all, there’s no place I’d rather be thank asking you if you’d oblige stepping into Christmas with me…”

Unfortunately, Andy Partridge is mostly faithful to Apple music so the T song on my list isn’t on Spotify. Regardless, here’s the rest of the Playlist

One Year Later

[Full disclosure – this is a long one. You may want to break it down into bite-size pieces]

One year ago today I received a call from Dr. Shapiro telling me that the tumor he’d found two days prior was, in fact, cancerous. I was at school, it was lunchtime, and I was texting my brother, Phillip, telling him that I was expecting to hear from the doctor at some point soon. Up until that point, I was really holding out hope and belief that the biopsy would come back as benign. My phone rang. 

“This is the doctor. I’ll talk to you later,” I texted Phillip.

“Hi Mr. Benefield, this is Dr. Shapiro, I am sorry to tell you, but the biopsy came back positive. It’s cancerous,” he told me in a gentle voice.

I think that washed over me because when I told him how much I appreciated him taking the time to call me he repeated, “I just want to make sure you heard me, you have cancer.” I thanked him again and told him that I hoped he had a good day.

I texted Phillip, “It’s cancer” and then the bottom dropped out of my world.

It was a full-on panic attack. Shaking uncontrollably and crying I looked at my teammates, I don’t remember if I spoke or if it was just obvious from my reaction what the doctor had told me. Immediately, two of them took my arms and lead me back to my classroom. I sat at my desk hyperventilating as I tried to wrap my head around what was happening. It was decided that two of them would get me home; one driving me and another taking my car. After that decision was made, another teammate asked if she could pray for me. We held hands and she offered a quick, heartfelt prayer, and without any exaggeration or hyperbole, I calmed down a little. We were able to get out of the school without my students seeing me. I am so grateful that they were at lunch and recess during this time.

On the drive to my house, we made some small talk. I was trying to decide whether to call or text Anna the news, I really wasn’t sure what to do. I ended up calling her, telling her that I was coming home and that I’d be there soon. I don’t remember a lot of the car ride. When we got to the house, they walked me to the door. This was the first time Anna had met one (what a horrible situation for an initial introduction!). I thanked them for getting me out of school and home and then Anna and I talked. She told me that she knew that I had the tendency to hear, but not listen when doctors are giving news just like my parents did. 

“I can pretend to do that if you want, but I cannot just do that,” she said, “I can’t not hear what is being said.”

“No! I need you to be the one to hear that. I need your voice of reality and focus,” I told her. And that is how we started this process. 

After much prompting from Anna, as well as one of my teammates, I contacted Dr. Ethan Tolbert, a GI oncologist whose daughters are the same age as ours and were schoolmates at Fernbank, and whose son was a student at Trinity for his 5th and 6th-grade years. I felt uncomfortable contacting him out of the blue, but I texted him, “It seems like your specialty and my diagnosis have some things in common.” Within 15 minutes he called me on the phone, asked me what was going on, and then told me to come in the following Thursday at noon. Having a doctor who knew me, knew me as Thomas, as Mr. B, had an incredibly strong effect on me.

I decided early on that I was going to maintain a positive attitude throughout the process, This really started with Dr. Tolbert. He told me in our first meeting, as I’ve mentioned earlier, “We are treating this to cure you. When we are done, you are going to be cancer free.” That set the bar for me. My family, my friends, my co-workers, and honestly, almost everyone helped me maintain that attitude. Keep moving forward. That was my mantra. My friend Dean White, who coincidentally I saw and spoke to in passing two days ago, took my sketch of those words with the arrow (branding, right?) and turned it into the cool design that it is now. My entire medical team, the receptionists, the nurses, and the doctors have been positive, friendly, and caring throughout my treatment.

After I was diagnosed but before my treatment started, Anna and I had some serious talks about how we were going to handle this. If you know Anna then you know she is a planner, and that is what she started doing. She searched out podcasts on cancer treatment, she researched different supplements that work with the chemotherapy meds that I would be on, she found articles on the correlation between certain types of food and colorectal cancer; both those that can cause it, as well as those that can prevent it. We had serious talks about my diet. Several serious talks about it. If you have known me for a while, you know that I have had pretty much the same diet since I was a kid. What that means is that my diet was high in processed foods. I enjoy fruits and vegetables, I really do, but things that come in shiny packages out of the middle sections of the grocery store have always been a big staple. I threw a few temper tantrums about these changes. So much so that early on Anna looked at me and said, “You know, it says A LOT that you’re more upset about having to change your diet than you are about having cancer.” She was right. So, change happened.

During chemo, from December through March, I cut out almost as many processed foods as I could, any foods with nitrates, reduced as much added sugar as I could (I found monk fruit sweetener for my coffee), and almost all red meat. We ate A LOT of chicken and fish during that time! I cut down the number of foods that I was eating made with seed oils, and to be honest, that’s almost EVERYTHING. Anna found some chips made with avocado instead of other seeds oils.  I started eating more berries regularly, added almonds, walnuts, and pecans, and began eating avocado (I’d never had it before). I added more gluten-free items to my diet. I tried smoothies to get some extra protein but was not a big fan so it was not a huge part of my diet. I have come to realize that the changes I made were beneficial to me as well as to my family; a healthier me is a happier me is a better husband and dad. I have added some things back in moderation, but I definitely have a much healthier diet now than I did pre-diagnosis.

I have no doubts that my dietary changes helped out with how my body responded to my treatments, and that includes the supplements I have been taking; turmeric, milk thistle, spirulina, quercetin, vitamin D, and turkey tail. Anna found some articles that showed that those worked well in fighting colorectal cancer. My doctors were not very familiar with them at all, but they did not tell me to stop taking any of them except the turmeric before my liver surgery because it acts as a blood thinner.

When I started radiaion/chemo back in June, I went on a low-gas diet ( so beans, broccoli, eggs, corn, apples, and lots of wheat-based foods were out for that period of time. Once I was through with that treatment, I slowly added back those foods. I made the mistake of eating a Mexican dish with a regular-sized serving of black beans and was doubled over in pain the next day with gas. I limited myself to one beer a month during chemo. Before I had the tumor on my liver removed I stopped drinking alcohol altogether and did not have any until I had finished radiation/chemo. In addition to my dietary changes

I believe that the routines I adopted during my treatment also played a vital role in the way my body responded. Every morning, I read from a few different books gifted to me. I read, ponder, underline, and sometimes re-read. I read over my list of people, places, and things that I am grateful for. The list of people I am grateful for grew and continues to grow.  I read over my affirmations, starting with, “I am staying positive and moving forward.” My affirmations have changed over this time, some no longer apply and others are things I started noticing that I needed to pay more attention to. I have a list of things that I need to remember ranging from “It matters how I treat people” to “respond, not react.” I’ve added more as time has gone on. My former supervisor and a dear friend suggested to me that each day I write down a gift that happened during the day; big, small, profound, or simple. It encourages me to look for the good; the sunrise, a mom and child holding hands on a walk, dinner with a friend, and a good nap. I started that before my treatments began back in December, and except for a period of time in January and February, every day I write down these gifts. I tried meditation, but it never really clicked with me. I had the app, Headspace, with a very calming Australian man leading me on that journey. I was never able to fully submerse myself in it, but I definitely learned some calming and centering strategies that I am still using. During radiation, I would silently repeat the mantra, “death to the cancer, strength to my cells and body” throughout the treatment sessions. Recently, I have adopted an evening ritual as well. I’ve added, the questions, “What went well?” and “What could I do better?” to my end-of-day ritual as a way to reflect. I have been doing a lot of reflecting over the course of the last year.

I absolutely believe that the prayers offered, good wishes, thoughts, and vibes sent to me from family, friends, and strangers also played a major role in how my body has responded. I know there are as many viewpoints on this as there are people in the world, but I am convinced that all of this helped me. My thoughts on prayer are a whole other long post, but I believe deeply that they helped me. This is a tough subject to talk about, and one that has caused, and often still causes me emotional, mental, and spiritual pain. I’ve used the phrase, “how my body responded” many times. My body responded in ways that I never could have imagined, and I am beyond grateful. My side effects were minimal and really not as horrible as I know they can be. At the same time, not everyone’s body does respond the way mine has, and at least two friends did not survive their fight with cancer while I was going through treatment. I can’t explain or understand that and I really, really wish I could. There’s no doubt in my mind that they also had family, friends, and strangers praying for them, and know for certain that they were maintaining a positive attitude and outlook. It’s difficult for me to talk about without tearing up because to the core of my being, I don’t understand, and I know no one else does either…

I can’t begin to adequately put into words the amount of gratitude that I have for so many people. Family members, friends, co-workers, former students, their families, clergy, believers, and nonbelievers have reached out to me and my family over the last year providing us with meals, letters, cards, blankets, and books. I have had so many conversations and hugs and tears with so many people. I have met some new incredible people as well. Some who have gone through their own battle with rectal cancer and one new friend who was going through treatment at the same time. He and I share a very special bond and friendship due to this ordeal. Every morning, I read the names of people that I am grateful for family, friends, teammates, coworkers, doctors, nurses, techs, clergy, and more, and every morning I am filled with love reading those names. 

All of this leads me to what I posted last time – 

Scar tissue is what my surgeon and attending doc saw today during my colonoscopy. SCAR TISSUE. He is so confident that it is scar tissue that when I asked him if he took a biopsy, he said that they did not feel it was necessary and would have caused unnecessary bleeding. I will go in for another colonoscopy and MRI in two to three months. He did say that at that time the swelling and scarring (from radiation) should be greatly reduced with the caveat that if it still looks the same he is going to recommend having surgery to remove it to be completely certain.  To keep my distance-swimming analogy from the start of this, my doctor just rang the bell letting me know I was on my final lap.

What now? My MRI is in two weeks followed by another colonoscopy (right after Thanksgiving for crying out loud) If I have to have surgery then so be it, I will accept that with gratitude because it so easily could have gone so differently. If the scans are clear then I will go on a cycle of every three months for a year and as long as those stay clear then I’ll start going every six months. Ultimately, I plan on finding ways to help others dealing with cancer. There are many ways that I can help, so I will be looking into those and trying to find the one that best fits my strengths.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. Thank you for sticking with me. There are so many people that I wanted to name in this, but I didn’t want to leave anyone out by mistake, so mostly people are referred to as friends or coworkers. They know who they are, how much I love them, and how much they mean to me. 

Trinity Class of 2016 Reunion

Team Benefield Class of 2016

Eight years ago, I accepted the position of Fifth Grade teacher at Trinity School. It would be my first homeroom in three years, and I was excited to have a core group of students to get to know, watch grow, and have fun with. What a great first group I received that August of 2015! 

One of the hardest parts of being a Fifth Grade teacher is once the year is over, I don’t get to see many of those kids anymore as some choose to stay for Sixth Grade and others matriculate to other schools. Luckily, Trinity brings all its former students back together during their senior year. I’ve been able to keep up with a few of them through their parents’ social media accounts, but many I had not heard about or from since May of 2016. 

I can’t overstate how I have been looking forward to my first Fifth Grade class at Trinity’s senior reunion for the past seven years. If you know me, you know how I feel about my students, and if you’re a teacher you know that every kid that comes through your door has a piece of your heart, and sometimes we never get to see those pieces again. Well, let me tell you that when you do, especially after seven years apart, the missing piece fits right back into place. You remember little things they did as 10- or 11-year-olds and wonder if they still do them. You remember how they grew and changed over a school year. You remember how you challenged them and they sometimes challenged you. Of my twenty homeroom students that year, fourteen of them made it back for the reunion, thirteen in time for a class photo.

These young men and women are going on to Auburn, UNC, Columbia, BU, NYU, Penn, Tulane, Georgia Tech, and other as-of-yet undecided locations.

Trinity School Class of 2016

This reunion is just one way the phrase, “Once a Trinity child, always a Trinity child” plays out. Seeing so many of the students from the Trinity Class of 2016 was such a joy, and the setting for the reunion could not have been more fitting – the new Outdoor Learning Center for Trinity’s Early Elementary students. Seeing these 17- and 18-year-olds making their way around this awesome space was so fun. After the group pics and food happened, two of my former students approached me and asked if it would be okay to go back and play in the tree. “I mean, I’m sure we CAN, we’re just not sure if it would be socially acceptable,” one said. “Get out there and play, man,” I responded enthusiastically. For at least ten minutes that is what they did. Climbing, laughing, talking, and letting their inner little kid back out for a bit. Upon exiting the tree, one turned to look at it and said, “That, is a Good Tree!” 

The Trinity School Outdoor Learning Center

The Trinity School Outdoor Learning Center

Behold! The Tree!

Inside the tree!

When it was time for me to go, I made my way around to my former students, wished them luck, told them how great it was to see them, and successfully held back some tears. I’m so excited for them, their potential is limited only by their drive, and this group’s drive is STRONG. Athletics, academics, and philanthropic endeavors are just a few of the areas these young women and men have excelled in since leaving Trinity School, and will, without a doubt, continue to do so.

Avery, Bobby, Cricket, Edward, Frank, Jack, Logan, Matthew, Nora, Owen, Rachel, Walton, William, and Xander – I don’t know if you realize how much it means to me that you seemed as happy to see me as I was to see you, but rest assured, you filled my cup to the brim with enough left over for a to-go cup. Asia Bay, Campbell, Ella Grace, Elle, Kelsey, and Mollie, we missed seeing you, but I know you’re on to great things, too! As I told you in May of 2016, my door is always open to you, and once Team Benefield, always Team Benefield. You have a faithful, cheering supporter here!

Owen missed the group shot, but we got one of the family!

Sixteen – The Songs That Shaped That Year

Photo from author’s personal collection

Turning 16 is undoubtedly one of the highlights of a teen’s life. The freedom that came with getting your driver’s license after being in the purgatory of a learner’s permit!! Getting to listen to YOUR music as you drove around doing nothing. Freedom! There were two worlds of music for me; what was on the radio that I listened to sometimes, and what I was listening to most of the time on my car tape deck, my boombox at home, or through my headphones so I could try to keep everyone away (it never worked though, did it?)

I originally culled my list from the Billboard Top 100 from 1986, but then realized that of those hundred there are only sixteen I liked, and of those sixteen, there are only ten I REALLY like (3 get an honorable mention), and almost all them fall into the category of what was known as “alternative.” I was just excited that bands I thought were really cool were being played on the radio! I would have to say that the thing that probably made them alternative is mostly that they were British. Two of the other three were already established mainstream American acts that were undeniably cool, and the one outlier was a brand new band that, like so many, shined brightly on their first release but the world at large never heard from them after that.

The Radio Songs

“King for a Day” by The Thompson Twins

The Thompson Twins were the perfect New Wave band. A little edgy, a lot pop. They made some really radio-friendly music and this song was one of them. It’s funny how they were considered alternative because they looked a little strange. Tom Bailey was a talented songwriter and a really good lead singer. 

“Election Day” by Duran Duran offshoot band, Arcadia

Anything by D² was pretty much guaranteed to be popular at this time, so when Simon and Nick went off to do their side project it basically sounded like D², unlike Roger & Andy Taylor’s Power Station. “Election Day” really wasn’t very different from your average D² song; danceable, atmospheric, and guaranteed to get on the charts.

“Life in a Northern Town” by The Dream Academy

Another band deemed alternative that was really pretty much middle-of-the-road pop music. Nonetheless, the sounds of this song were fresh and new, using tympanis, strings, and an oboe along with an instantly catchy chorus. The album is really good and they should have been more than a one-hit-wonder.

 “What You Need”  by INXS

INXS had arrived and was knocking on the door to superstardom. Listen Like Thieves is a great album, incorporating all of INXS’ trademark sounds. It of course didn’t hurt to have Michael Hutchence as the lead singer. Those on the fringe who were already into INXS knew that they were about to be huge; although like so many bands that were much loved by the fringe, we kind of wished they could stay our secret.

“Something About You” by Level 42

Another British band that snuck into the American Top 40. I loved the song, and the video (NOT the music) reminded me of Madness, so I loved that, too. That the lead singer was also the bass player struck me as kind of cool. It’s just a sweet love song that as a day-dreaming 16-year old, there’s always room for more sweet love songs.

“If You Leave” by OMD

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark: you don’t get much more of a British name for a band than that! Also, another British band with a bass playing lead singer! This song closes out the John Hughes movie, Pretty in Pink, in an epic scene: Duckie, Andie, Blane (“That’s not a name, that’s a, a, an appliance!”), and Steff in a sea of dancing teens, setting up expectations of what high school prom should be. I don’t know about your prom, but Bone Holmes and Friends did not include British synthpop in their setlists at mine.

“Alive and Kicking” by Simple Minds

Scottish alt band sneaking up on U2 as a band with a big sound, Christian beliefs, and the ability to craft a catchy anthem. As a hyper 16-year-old, I broke my nose slam-dancing (with my friend Bill, who will figure prominently in the second half of this piece) in protest at the local dance club because the DJ was playing Michael Jackson. Blood everywhere. As I’m laid out waiting for my mom to pick me up, I requested this song, just to let everyone know I was okay (no one cared).

“Kiss” by Prince

It’s Prince. The video is Prince dancing and Wendy on guitar. I mean, really, enough said. 

“Tonight She Comes” by The Cars

The Cars had been one of my favorite bands already; everything about them was cool. Gangly Ric Ocasek’s ever-present Wayfarers and Elliot Easton’s distinct guitar riffs and solos struck me the most about them. They reminded me of summer and I turned 16 in the summer of ‘86. We hadn’t heard anything from them since 1984’s Heartbreak City, and this song was added to their Greatest Hits compilation. I would have loved a whole new album from The Cars, but that was not to be. This song has all the trademark sounds that made me love The Cars from the first time I heard, “Let’s Go.”

“Your Love” by The Outfield

“Josie’s on a vacation far away…” belted out in falsetto with a sparsely strummed guitar. The Outfield and their album, Play Deep is such strange baseball things from a British band. It’s really good power pop from a really talented three-piece; although listening closely to the lyrics now I’m a little skeeved out by them. How old is the woman who is the focal point? “You know I like my girls a little bit older…” Who’s he talking to? “As you’re leaving please won’t you close the door?” The guy doesn’t even take her to breakfast? Parents, warn your daughters about guys like this. 

Honorable Mentions are “Conga” by Miami Sound Machine, “Tarzan Boy” by Baltimora, and “I’m Your Man” by Wham. Technically, “Tarzan Boy” and “I’m Your Man ” charted first in 1985, but apparently had enough momentum to carry over into 1986. I have a special place in my mind for these tracks because they were songs that played as David T. manically danced the conga every time I saw him, all of my friends would raise our hands to our mouths as we did the Tarzan call, and I mean, really, is there a more upbeat and fun song that “I’m Your Man”? The answer, in case you’re wondering, is no, there is not a more upbeat and fun song. Some cool kids might consider these songs as guilty pleasures, but you know what? I don’t have any guilt in admitting love for these songs at all. I wouldn’t trade the memories and laughter that came as a result of hearing these songs on the radio for anything. 

WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! This is what was on the radio, not what I was listening to on my own in my car, bedroom, and on my Panasonic stand-in for a Sony Walkman. And while there were some alternative songs that made it onto the radio, the songs that I spent hours and hours listening to are really what my sixteenth year is about. These songs were not going to be played on mainstream radio, and they weren’t really played on the college radio station in Atlanta. I had to seek this music out or have it introduced to me, and I think that’s what really made it alternative.

[Aside – when I say album, 85% of the time I mean cassette. It was a different time, folks]

“Swan Swan H”/”Superman” by R.E.M. 

Life’s Rich Pageant was the first R.E.M. album I bought. The aforementioned Bill introduced them to me, as well as many, many others. The songs on Pageant were easier to understand than a lot of their earlier releases. They were also pretty easy to play on guitar and so these two songs made it into the setlist of the band I was in at the time. 

“Rise” by Public Image Ltd. 

“I could be wrong, I could be right…” John Lydon expressed a lot of what goes on in a 16-year-old’s head. Admittedly, I got this album because I thought it was hilarious that PiL took the whole generic trend (pics for context) and applied it to this; album and cassette (eventually compact disc) and I loved John Lydon’s screechy British yowl, especially at the end of this song when he repeats the phrase, “Anger is an ener-GEE, anger is an ener-GEE, anger is an ener-GEE…” (picture source)

“Kundalini Express” by Love and Rockets 

The first of several entries from Friend Bill. He’s two years older than me and at the time was away at Wake Forest DJ’ing at their station, so he brought me all kinds of new music I probably wouldn’t have heard any other way. The only alternative station we had in Atlanta was Georgia State University’s WRAS 88.5, and while they played alternative music, seldom was I taken with the songs they played. Love & Rockets just exuded coolness, and their album, Express, was in the tape deck of my car frequently. 

“Don’t Let’s Start” by They Might Be Giants

As I mentioned, I was a hyper 16-year-old, and They Might Be Giants opened up a whole world of absurdity to me that absolutely made sense. Their debut album was such a breath of fresh air, even among all the alternative music I was listening to, but especially compared to the boring stuff on the radio at the time.

The whole Pretty in Pink Soundtrack

I think this was the first soundtrack that really spoke to me as a collection. I spent hours making mixtapes for myself and my friends and here was one already put together for me! John Hughes seemed to understand what being an on-the-fringe teen was all about, and a lot of that was the music. This soundtrack features “If You Leave” by OMD, but that’s just the surface. Another track by INXS and songs by Echo and the Bunnymen, New Order, The Smiths, and more! 

“Special” – The Violent Femmes

A manic, fast-paced love song that has, if I’m not mistaken, a theremin solo! I’d heard a few of their songs, including the one with the F-Bomb, and thought they were pretty cool. I ordered this actual vinyl album from my dad’s Columbia House Record Club (CRC). I might have even gotten it free since they allowed you to choose a record free for every three or four you bought at regular Club prices. My dad was a really good sport and would let me get the free ones. I remember the day this album came in the mail. I had been out doing something with my church youth group and when I got home the Columbia House cardboard mailer was waiting for me on the garage steps. YES!

“You Make Me Feel So Good” by Book of Love

Another Bill selection! This band was kind of a female-led Depeche Mode, 100% a synth band that made good music to dance to. This is just a fun love song.

“Cemetery Gates” by The Smiths

I first heard The Smiths with their ultra-cool song, “How Soon is Now.” Imagine how very surprised I was when I got this album, another CRC purchase, that there were no songs on it that sounded like that one at all! Instead, it was jangly guitar music with Sir Mopes-A-Lot as the singer and it was fantastic. The juxtaposition of such upbeat guitar pop with Morrissey’s voice and lyrics was unlike anything I’d heard before. This song ended up on every mixtape I made for about three years running.

“That’s Really Super Supergirl” by XTC

Yes, another Bill song! Spring of 1986. My church was having a Spring Fling. Bill pulled up in his maroon Honda Prelude with Skylarking in the tape deck. “LISTEN TO THIS!!!” he exclaimed. It was this song and it was amazing. Bill made me a copy of this, backed with Love & Rockets’ 7th Dream of Teenage Heaven. I’d play this cassette on repeat over and over and over. I still have it in my drawer of cassettes.

The whole collection of Standing on a Beach by The Cure

How cool were you if you liked The Cure? Well, to the general population you were not cool for liking The Cure, but to the small group of on-the-fringe teens at my high school, you were definitely cool if you liked The Cure. The cassette of this came with a collection of B-sides. Who puts out B-side collections? British bands, that’s who. When the CD came out years later I was bitterly disappointed that it did not contain the B-sides.

Bill and I getting ready to go pick up our dates for the Sadie Hawkins Dance
Photo from author’s personal collection

Man! What a joy this has been going through these songs and replaying these memories and then creating this playlist! Bill and I are still great friends but musical introductions are more of a two-way street now. What were YOU listening to the year you turned 16? 

Reimagining Outdoor Ed Trips

As with many parts of the school year, Covid was a party pooper for our beloved Outdoor Ed (OE) trips. I’ve talked about these before; one in the spring, one in the fall. The goal for the fall focuses on team building and working together, and the the spring trip focuses more on making memories with friends that may be going to different schools next year. Thanks to our supportive administration, our creative and flexible special area teachers, and the resilient group of students we have, we were able to reimagine our two trips this year into On-Campus Outdoor Ed (OCOE). We kept the spirit of the trips alive, focusing on similar themes for each one. We were blessed with two beautiful days this year, one in October and one in April.

OCTOBER

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  Starting the day off with friendship bracelets.

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  Team-building activity

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  Making their way through a preset path without talking, only observing the path their teammates took before them.

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  Capture the flag

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  Natural object art creation

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  Yoga in Discovery Woods

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  Coach Brian wraps up the day for the whole grade level

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  Team Benefield in Discovery Woods

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  An amazing group of teachers at the end of a successful & fun OCOE

At this point, our students had been together for a little more than a month, and when I say together, I mean that literally. (Trinity School‘s Covid safety protocol requires students to stay in their homerooms for the entire day with the exception of recess every day and PE three days a week. All the teachers travel to the classrooms to be with the students there. I am so proud of how they had adapted to this new school year! Masks on all the time, not changing classes, eating in the classroom, not seeing friends in other classes during recess, and really, just being around the same 16 classmates all day, every day, every week.) Through several different rotations over the course of the day, the team building activities the coaches planned for the students involved different kinds of communication and the mantra of, “Not me, We.” Students learned what it was to make choices that would benefit their group more than themselves. In addition to the team building activities, students had a chance to play a big game of Capture the Flag on the field. Art teacher, Pat Kerner, led the the students in a lesson to make art pieces from objects found in nature after the style of artist, Andy Goldsworthy. Math teacher, Kelly Swanton, led a yoga session in Discovery Woods We wrapped up the day with the activity, The Reflection Circle. Being able to do this was as important to the teachers as it was to the students. We knew what these kids were missing. Most of us have done several OE trips, and The Reflection Circle is a powerful activity.

The Reflection Circle

We come together as a whole group and get into a big circle and sit down facing each other. Coach Brian instructs everyone to close their eyes and then one group of students stand outside the circle. The students walk around the circle and touch the shoulder of their classmates or teachers in response to different prompts: “You’ve seen this person be courageous. You’ve seen this person be kind. This person has been a good friend. This person has made you laugh. This person is a good role model.” The adults participate as well, and this is an example of how our time with the students at their activities pays off. We have seen the kindness, the courage, the risk-taking, the merriment that others might not notice in someone.

APRIL

• 

  Heading out to start our day.

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  Coach Austin leads a big game of Contagion.

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  Berlin working on their t-shirts.

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  St. Moritz working on their t-shirts.

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  Cyanotype creation with Ms. Kerner.

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  Some sketchbook time while waiting for the cyanotypes are being exposed to the light.

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  Montreal is ready!

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  Berlin is ready!

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  St. Moritz is ready!

For our spring OCOE we combined regular OE activities with preparation for our upcoming Fifth Grade Olympics. Students had time to start creating their team t-shirts and chariots. Jog strollers have been the most popular chariot choice over the years, but for the first time in seven years, I had three different vehicles for each Olympic group: a job stroller, a red wagon, and a snow sled attached to a skateboard! Three very different chariots for three very different teams. The pressure was on because the Fifth Grade Olympics of the Body was just a week away! Again, our PE coaches, art teacher, and our Fifth Grade Team all pitched in to give the students a great day.

Fifth Grade Olympics

Each year for our Olympics unit the students form different homeroom Olympic teams based on a city that has hosted the Olympic Games. Students research their assigned Olympics through several tasks: creating an Olympic banner, a torch, an original mascot, and a bulletin board sharing the information they’ve learned. The culminates with Olympics of the Body and Olympics of the Mind. The chariot building and race are high points of the unit. Students bring a vehicle from home, decorate it to represent their Olympic cities, and race them down the length of our PE field.

TAKE AWAY

It would have been easy to just give the students a pajama/read-in/game time kind of day in lieu of the two trips that got canceled, but that didn’t sit right with anyone. Several meetings were had discussing lots of different options. It was a true collaboration between the Fifth Grade Team, the special area teachers, and the administration. That we had the option to reimagine these events and give the students these experiences was such a blessing. The teachers knew what the students missed out on not going on a traditional OE trip, and a few of them with older siblings have heard stories of OE trips in the past, but the Trinity Class of 21-22 will be able to tell stories of OCOE that other classes (hopefully) won’t.

Covid19 Shutdown – Teacher’s Perspective

Friday, March 13th, 1:45 p.m, Trinity School. 70-something 5th graders gather in the hall to have a dance party, but dammit, the speaker won’t work. The speaker won’t work. You can’t have a dance party without a speaker! Try telling that to a group of 5th grade boys so connected that they come up with almost identical writing topics when given a surprise free write assignment.

“Play ‘Single Ladies’! Play ‘Single Ladies’!!!!”

‘Single Ladies’ plays and the boys sing and dance, dance and sing.

The girls roll their eyes.

“It is now time for 2:00 o’clock carpool. Teachers, please log onto School Pass.”

And just like that everything we knew about school was over.

Flashback March 4th The faculty meeting where we hear the Head of School tell us that we might be looking at some days away from school. Nothing solid, nothing definite, but it’s a possibility.

Flash forward March 9th. Morning Meeting with our students.

“It’s possible that we’re going to have to stay home for a few days. Maybe a little longer, two weeks tops.”

We tell the kids, “This is something you’re going to always remember. This is the thing that when you’re an adult people will ask you where you were when the Corona Shutdown happened, and you’ll say that you were a 5th Grader at Trinity School.”

Flashback March 11th. 8 teachers sit together putting together a week’s worth of assignments. Laughing, but taking it seriously. We are putting together assignments for our students that they can do at home that will be similar to what we’d be doing at school. ‘A week, two weeks tops.’ floats through our minds, but there are some quiet, sinister voices that say different.

Monday, March 16th Distance Learning begins. Our Google Drives are in use as they never have been before. Students use this to do turn in the work they’re doing that we assigned. Checking over each assignment, making comments, checking off on Google Spreadsheets which students have completed what.

I meet with Jill Gough and Bridget Billups on Google Meet, a new-to-us platform on Monday, March 16th. Isn’t it fun! Look! There they are! It’s the future the Jetsons promised us, minus the flying cars. This is what we will be using to see our students because we are staying home two weeks, and the second week we will start seeing our students in our virtual classrooms.

We Meet and make plans. We Meet more and plan more. We fill in schedules on Google Docs. We make hyperlinks to Google Docs and Loom video presentations (another new platform!) We meet more. Nervous laughter. Frustrated grumbles over Internet blips; frozen screens, echoey voices, connections that don’t connect.

Week 2 we see our students for the first time on screen. We laugh, we talk, we tell them they’re doing great and assure them that we’ll be back together soon. Little do we know.

Weeks 3, 4, 5, 6. Meeting, planning, emailing, texting, Face Timing holding onto the thinning thread of hope that we will go back and we will be with our students and EACH OTHER again. We spend hours and hours with each other 5 days a week. We are a support system for each other.

We hear we will not be coming back.

We will not be coming back.

Not coming back.

Weeks 7 and 8 continue as the others have, and here’s the thing. Here’s the thing:

Our students are doing awesome work, and they have been this whole time! All the foundations laid before the Corona Shutdown are fully evident. We are proud. We are amazed. These digital natives have taken this new format and said, “Okay, yeah. We got this.” And they do!

Don’t get me wrong. They want to come back. Videos shared with us showing a 5th grader wailing/whining, “I WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOOOOOL!” But they are doing great work. Not busy work. Not just reviewing what they’ve learned already this year. New material. New skills and strategies.

These teachers I work with. Holy cow, these teachers! These co-workers. These friends of mine. I can’t sing their praises enough. Mothers of young children also in school and too young for school. Single adults at home by themselves with just their sweet pup for company. Wives of husbands whose jobs are as uncertain as the time we’re living in. Wives and moms away from home to be with family while other family members are away from them. Wives and moms with high schoolers in their homes who are surly and bored and snarky and even sweet at times. These teachers I work with!

Day after day, week after week we bring our all to this task – Teach our students. At various times we crack. Tears of frustration, fear, disappointment, exhaustion, anger. But we laugh and we make each other laugh. These teachers I work with!

Week 9, it’s our last week with our students. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. We’ve missed so much. They’ve missed so much. 30 minute video meetings in the morning where the seams are starting to show a little. A little less interest. A little less participation. Can we blame them for this? No! We are as exhausted by this as they are.

They’re still doing great work. They’re still trying their best. They’re asking questions, they’re sharing thoughts and insights, but they’re done and nobody blames them. We’re close ourselves, but then it hits me.

When this is over I have summer ahead of me. Usually that fills me with excitement. Summer! I’ve said before that any teacher that claims the time off in summer has nothing to do with why they teach, even just a little, is a liar. This summer is full of uncertainty and lack of structure for me. Summer means I don’t see my students’ smiling little faces on my screen every morning. Summer means I don’t see my co-workers in our now weekly Meet. We did get it down to once a week after a couple of weeks. I was going to coach swim team again this summer and I love that, but it’s been snatched away like so many other things.

I’ve told my students that I will see them again. I wish it would be in room 2261 getting ready for a regular day of 5th grade, but that’s not possible. That regularity seems to be out of reach. That doesn’t matter though. I have poured 7 1/2 months into them. I have learned about them. I have learned from them. I hope they have learned from me. They are part of Team Benefield, and that’s a lifetime membership. I will see them again. Whether individually, a partial group, or the whole 18 of them together in one place, I will see their smiles face-to-face. If we get to a place where we can high-five or give hugs I will do that. If we aren’t at that place yet I will do like I’ve been doing with friends I’ve seen from 6 feet away; smile, give ourselves a hug and acknowledge that it’s not the same, but it’s better than nothing.

This school year is nothing at all like anyone thought it would be. It is one that I hope no one ever, ever has to go through again because it has been hard. Hard, but not impossible. Hard, but not without hope and joy and expectation and success. If we have to do this again, we can. We’ve learned new skills. We pivoted. We took this situation and did the best we could, and we can do it again if we have to. We don’t want to. At all. Ever again. But we can because this is what we do; we teach our students.